Follow the Leader

We've started playing a new game at our house.

Mommy jumps.

The Bear jumps.

Mommy coughs.

The Bear coughs.

So on and so on. He giggles and claps after four or five times and asks for more ("mas, mas mas!").

In the midst of our terrible colds and aching misery, my beautiful little toddler wants to play follow the leader for over an hour. My head is throbbing and all I can think of is "hot tea and Anne of Green Gables," but as I've said before, Mommies don't get sick days. After an hour of follow the leader, I tucked the Bear in for a nap with some chamomile tea, Curious George tucked safely in his arms. He waved bye-bye and blew me a kiss.

I walked out of his room and realized that follow the leader is just the beginning. My toddler is a tiny sponge waiting to soak in the world. His sparkly blue eyes are watching my every move and that sneaky mind is taking in every action of my day. It hit me all at once....to quote the Bear.... "Uh-Ooooo."

I know most people like to start out their year with a New Year's Resolution, preferably one they can break by March, or perhaps take self-inventory during the Lent season; but I have never really been one for resolutions or self-inventory. I grow, I learn, I adapt, and overall change comes slowly for me and not from some check list I make during a holiday. I am a hot-headed spitfire, bone for bone like my great grandmother, Ana. She earned a nickname for that sudden hot rush of temper, loosely translated it means "a pot of milk boiling over suddenly". In recent years, I've inherited that nickname and on most days I am proud of it. Mostly because the majority of the time, that temper flares when I see an injustice of some kind. Anyone bigger and stronger being cruel to someone that is weaker or smaller, I don't even have to think twice about stepping in and saying something. Huge guy beating a small defenseless dog? I will walk in there at my full height of 5'2 and give him what for! I like that spunky, justice seeking side of myself. One day I hope to teach my sons how to be gentleman and how to protect those that are being abused. But I have my habits and tendencies that are not so great, things I would rather they not know about.

I made a checklist while I was pregnant entitled "Things to Teach My Children." But there is NO WAY I can ask my children to be kind and polite to adults when I am sitting in my car, stewing in anger and calling Obama a dumb-ass socialist con artist. Even if its true, there isn't one ounce of kindness or respect for this fellow human being who also happens to be leading our country at the moment (God help us). Am I willing to set aside that part of my temper in order to demonstrate kindness and grace? I hope so. The only person I could ever tolerate hearing my kids bad mouth is Castro, and that goes without saying since he is the devil incarnate. But I digress...

I want my sons to be passionate about life and about what they believe in. I hope they discover what they love early on in life so that they can pursue it to their heart's content. I would like to teach them how to help the poor and how to protect all life, from unborn children to the lost smelly dog that no one loves. But they are watching me! I need to do all of these things too! I need to help the plight of the unborn child as much as I can. I need to smile at the homeless man under the bridge and show compassion rather than irritation or annoyance. I need to pursue my writing with joy and excitement. A hundred and one things are on my list and I can feel the Bear's little blue eyes watching me while the pressure mounts.

WHEW!

Don't worry. I didn't have a panic attack. I had a sweet revelation instead.

I'm growing and learning right along with my kids. I am learning how to be a responsible adult and how to be a loving parent. I can't expect to learn it all overnight. Maybe this is the single greatest breakthrough as a parent that I can have and I am glad its happening now and not towards the end. As soon as he is old enough to understand, I'll say to the Bear, "I am learning just like you. Let's learn together and let's do it with respect and understanding."

My kids aren't stupid. If I want them to be responsible, thoughtful humans then I need to treat them as though they are capable of these things. There is no way that I am looking at the next twenty years of my life as some sort of power struggle. There will be no "parents vs. children" in my home, it would cheat us out of the privilege of growing together.

My list doesn't look so bad anymore. Especially since now it has a new name-- "Things We Want to Learn Together." This doesn't solve all the problems but it alleviates the pressure I'm feeling from all the little eyes watching me.

And so life goes on. We are playing follow the leader. Cubby is learning to crawl, the Bear is learning how to use the potty and I am learning polite synonyms for "disgusting socialist low-life." After all, I still have a few years before he totally understands what I am saying, right?