Rumpus

Indeed.

Let the wild rumpus start.  If you had called my home today at around 3PM and asked "How ya doing?" I would have whimpered out a terribly pathetic, "miserable."

At this point in the day I began wondering when it was that the boys had called for a secret meeting. Perhaps at some point in the night they had crawled out of their beds and signed to each other a malicious plan with their chubby baby fists and then giggled with a sneaky delight. They had ganged up on me for over 5 hours of nonstop crying and screaming. The Bear started right after his morning nap, woke up on  the wrong side of the bed and never righted himself. Then Cubby head him crying and that set him off.  I went into the nursery to calm the Bear with no luck. I tried everything. Books, puzzles, milk, broccoli (his favorite), spinach (his 2nd favorite) trains, lions, NOTHING WORKED. So I figured he just needed a good cry. I gave him a chamomile teething strip (just in case) and went off to nurse Cubby. But by this point Cubby had worked himself off and didn't want to nurse or stop crying. And.....well you can see why I would have said miserable. 

Days like today wound my motherly pride. I know my kids inside and out, so when something is amiss and I can't comfort them, I feel terrible. It took hours to calm them down and when I finally did I sat down on my bed and felt a bit like crying myself. So I sat there and thought about my own mother and all the miserable days I put her through (particularly in high school, I was a nightmare). Then I thought about the good days we had. Ok. 

I got up and made a great loaf of beer bread (using the Sam Adams Cherry Wheat, it was amazing!) and a great big pot of beef stew for dinner. I dragged out everything that the Bear and Cubby love to do right now and when they woke up we had a blast! In fact, we had a rumpus. We raced around the house and danced to Fleet Foxes. We ate cheerios and colored together. I nursed Cubby for a good thirty minutes while the Bear leafed through some of his new train books. We played a very primitive game of hide and go seek and laughed together. We had a great- big- loud- destroy- the- room rumpus. 

The truth about my life right now is that I have two babies, twelve months apart. Its not easy,in fact it is almost never easy. Most days are hard days..but that doesn't mean that I have to keep myself from finding joy in even those very hardest of days. I used to wonder what the words happiness and joy really meant and if there was any great difference. I think there is. For me happiness is a feeling and joy is a condition of the heart. There are many days when I am happy, but its a fleeting emotion that comes and goes. Where as with joy....well, there can be joy even in sorrow. I think of the Bear's birth as a perfect illustration of this. What a painful day I experienced, physically and emotionally. Truly one of the worst days of my life. I felt abandoned and abused. They took my baby away from me and wouldn't let me hold him because of "regulations." I felt deep sorrow. 

But then that moment came, at 4 AM. I called the nursery and DEMANDED that they bring me my child, enough was enough! The rest of the family had gone home. My father never left my side, he slept in the corner of the room. When the nurse came in with the Bear, my dad stood up and came over as well. The three of us huddled together and shared whispers of welcome and a priceless moment of loving a new generation. I can remember that day with great joy, despite my unhappiness over all that had happened and my sorrow over what I had lost. 

And so there are days, like today, when happiness is flung from the windows of the house and tantrums and frustrations have taken over. But there is still joy. Because our home is a simple home built on peace, joy and love. I am blessed with two healthy boys that can experience the world around them and have the ability to express what they feel, even if it is anger or frustration. 

Its late now and everyone is asleep. Well almost everyone. Cubby is lying between J and I, swaddled like a burrito and watching me with bright blue eyes that are nowhere near close to tired. He is ready for a rumpus and I am filled with joy.