Trust and Obey

I haven't written in this space for three months.

Three months.

I really hate when so much time lapses without an update. This is our place for recording precious memories and our struggles as parents. We usually soldier through and make the time to update, even in the midst of life's greatest difficulties. But these past three months we've left things silent on here.

I think I needed a bit of time to reconsider how I use this space. I wondered for a few weeks if I should reboot this sucker and go for an all out "Mommy Blog." But that just isn't me and its not what this little corner of the internet is.

No bells, no whistles, just stories.

Our last reason for silence is the overwhelming amount of work I undertook as we prepared to homeschool our kids. Yes, we homeschooled last year. But we were really just dipping our toes in the water. The water was contained in a very, very small pool of water.

Ok, it was a puddle.

Turns out the path to homeschooling is wider than the Pacific. Like most areas of childrearing, any fool with internet access has a thousand and one things to say on the subject. I don't think I've ever researched anything that has left me so emotionally drained. I read around 75 books. Combed through endless homeschooling blogs, listened to recordings of speakers, spoke with other homeschooling families, and cried myself to sleep on at least three occasions. I endured this time of endless research while the testosterone levels in our home reached historic highs. It was a bit of a nightmare for a few weeks there, until I realized my calling and gained my footing.

I am proud of what we are left with...terrified of it too.

Yet I am upheld by the knowledge that God has laid this heavily on my heart. He has called me to serve my children in this way. He has specifically asked us to do this work, not so that we isolate ourselves from the world, but in order to teach our children His word and demonstrate DAILY what it means to live in Him and love others. I had times of crisis when I thought, I am planning to teach them something I do not practice myself. This is HYPOCRISY. They will see right through it. Also, I hate Math. How will this ever work? 

I realized that I could not conquer this mountain on my own or expect an end product of perfect young adults sold out for Jesus. There can not be two Captains on this journey. There is only one and I am not it. I am too weak without Him.  This is not easy for a control freak like me. So many things could go wrong....

What am I left with?

Obedience.

As my wise BSF teaching leader Babs always says, "We are not responsible for the consequences of our obedience to God."

I will obey. I will ask the Holy Spirit to enable me to live what I teach and to break what must broken so that I can lose myself in Him.  I will trust Him with my children. Wherever their roads lead, I will trust in Him.  I will commit myself to praying for my boys every day and to train them up the way He has commanded.

The step of faith has been taken. School starts August 5th.

We've picked out the curriculum and acquired more books, which is frightening since 60% of our last move consisted entirely of books.  We joined a homeschool co-op and signed up for our last year of Day Class at BSF.

I am looking forward to this sweet time with my children. I will have the best hours of their day all to myself. We can study things that interest us and there will be no limits to how much we can learn. We can study His word freely and practice it daily. Field trips and daily chores. Science projects and toddler tantrums. Endless baskets of laundry. I have no doubt in my mind that my laundry problem will escalate into crisis mode this year.

Math. The bane of my childhood. Math will be back in my life. Maybe this time I will learn it the way I should have years ago. Prayers and numbers for support groups appreciated. This is the valley, the depths of despair.

The highest peak? Do you even need to ask? It is a mountain made of books.

Hours and hours of reading lovely books. Curled up on the couch or nestled in the play tent, flashlights in hand, or  under the boughs of trees we know by heart.

Most of it feels idyllic. All of it will be messy.

There is no doubt about it.

My house may never be clean but it will always be filled with learning.




"He who called you is faithful and He will do it."
1 Thessalonians 5:24