The Scoop on Poop

Yesterday, we took the boys to the zoo. They were giving free t-shirts at the entrance to all members, in honor of their newly opened exhibit called, "The Scoop on Poop." We are now the proud owners of two dark brown shirts with a graphic depicting the silhouette of a warthog taking a dump. Not joking. Size large to boot! The zoo created a fantastic exhibit outlining how all the poop in the zoo is used to help decrease their global footprint and increase their sustainability.

Poop has become my life lately.

An equally weird and disgusting statement to make. But there are many weird and disgusting milestones on the Mommyhood path and right now I am at the Poopville stop just north of Diaper City.

There are many things that surprised me about potty training. Beginning with the fact that I never thought I'd be so excited to watch someone else drop a load. But when you watch your little darling have his or her first little moment of success on the pot, joy abounds! No one told me how over the moon I would be! And I really was, over the moon and floating happily through the universe until I suddenly came crashing back to the earth with the reality that no diapers, means more work.

Sorry to disillusion any of my mommy friends that haven't potty trained yet. The loss of diapers definitely brings a bit more financial freedom to your checking account but free time is not an automatic given with potty training.

I suddenly find myself living in our bathroom. I am in there all the time! Granted, we potty trained two toddlers at once so the monopoly poop has on my life right now is understandable. The Bear says he needs to go. I follow him, offer assistance as needed, maybe read a story if he needs a few extra minutes, help him clean himself, wash his hands, take a deep breath and reach over to turn off the bathroom light when I here Cubby's soft little voice pipe out, "Me go potty too, Mama!!" And we do it all over again with Cubby. I am in the bathroom with each child for an average of fifteen minutes. Then, twenty to thirty minutes later, nature calls once more, ok...twice.

For all those in the midst of potty training, I hope the end is near for you. And if its nowhere in sight and the potty has become the Mordor of your life and your little orc is stubborn and constipated, well sister, I have a few words for you. Here's our story, the scoop on our poop.

Cubs was an absolute snap to train. He loved it! Aim my pecker at something and pee on it? Sign me up! He was all for it. The Bear? Not so much. He was afraid of the toilet. He loved his diapers, etc etc. The cons were stacked up a mile high and the only pro was being diaper free. I would ask him to go and my delightful first born, who is usually unbelievably obedient and loving, would stamp his foot and shout, "NO WAY!"

So I pulled a Modern Mommy and began to tearfully google all things potty training. I was tired and desperate. I was having nightmares that I would be the parent of a 9 year old in diapers. I was not happy to find that the majority of parents resorted to buying toys or giving candy for having success on the potty. I didn't want him to find positive value in his identity or triumphs through food or gifts, but did I have any other choice?

I did. I listened to my kid.

Turns out that no matter how hard you try, you can never force another human to pee. At least, not without inflicting some major emotional trauma. I listened to my boy and soaked in the fundamental elements of his personality. What he loves and how he relates to people and ideas. Then I took stock of what kind of parent I was and what kind I of parent I wanted to be. Really, who ever thought poop could provide such a defining moment in life?

Well it did.

So I waited a few extra months, and then I did it his way. Or at least, that is what I let him think. No rewards---food or otherwise. No begging or pleading, I have a firm rule not to negotiate with toddlers that terrorize. We gave him rules, no videos or trains until you potty. If you have an accident (poop or pee), you have to clean it up yourself. You get to flush the toilet and you are in charge of washing your hands. My son is a perfectionist and he loves instructions. He likes knowing the boundaries. I think he took one look at that toilet all those months ago and thought, "You want me to do what? GROSS!!!" I had to show him that it was the better, cleaner way to go. I had to realize that he will never respond in the affirmative if I ask him to go to the bathroom, he likes to be the one to let me know. He needed the why. He needed the reasoning. He needed the mechanics, my little engineer. He also thrives on having items designated for specific purposes or uses. To aid in the "special" element of potty training, I bought about 15 books to keep in the bathroom. They are only for the bathroom. His favorite stories and characters live beside the toilet. He can read them whenever he needs to go. Not as a reward for going, but as a component of the joy and privilege potty training can bring to a big boy.

Cubs by the way loves the social aspect of potty training. Oh wait, sorry, did you think potty training instruction involved discussions on privacy? Sorry, he is only two and I think this lesson will have to wait awhile. Cubs loves to perch on the toilet and chat with me. "Mama, I love you so much. Do you see a dragon? I want to eat macaroni. Can we play outside? Read me the book now please. Oh! oh! I DID IT, I did a big potty fo! Can I flush it?"

I have more grey hairs now that its all said and done. But I understand my boys in a whole new way. I think its because we took the tougher road of getting to know one another rather than the easier road involving M&Ms each time you pee.

I had a lot of parenting revelations when I was at the end of my rope. I'll share just one with you right now. Effective communication with my kids is important to me. I want to really hear them when they speak with me. I want them to understand my heart when I speak to them. I never want to bully them into obedience or bribe them into good behavior. I want them to see the why behind everything we do as a family. If you are reading this and don't know what the why in question is, I will tell you. Its Jesus. Everything we do as a family, we commit to him as an act of worship because he loves us. It is not our emotional crutch, its not just a nice thing to do for our kids, it is the ROCK of who we are.

And so, I have committed to pray for the hard conversations of the future, even now. I pray that God would infuse them with peace, grace and understanding.

Here's hoping that your potty training days lead to a better understanding of your children, even at your the expense of your hair color.