I vividly remember her introduction to our class. We were the first class in the newly built 6th grade wing. The new students dutifully shuffled forward and stood in a line.
Hi my name is________
When I grow up I want to be _____________
The assigned format given and off they went. Our class had all been together since at least the first grade with a good handful having survived since pre-K. We looked at the newbies with wolfish little eyes.
I remember when she stepped up. Clearly nervous, flustered in a uniform she was not used to wearing. She stated her name and said that when she grew up she wanted to be an Archeologist. My ears perked up immediately! I had loved Archeology since the first grade and to my knowledge, most of my classmates had no idea what the word meant. At our first "break," the term "recess" being beneath our dignity as 6th graders, I walked up to meet her. I liked her right away. She was kind. Smart. Funny. There was something different about her that took me years to understand. Essentially, when she spoke with someone, she was entirely focused on them. Genuinely, sincerely, interested in what others had to say. Actively desiring to put you at ease and love you.
We spent a fair amount of time together in middle school. High school never brought us together often as I was sucked into the third dimension that is choir and yearbook. Yet she always had a smile and a joke to share and an easy laugh that made you feel better just for having heard it.
She died this morning.
A painful sentence to write. A horrid reality for her friends and family. Such deep, deep sadness. Even though I never kept in touch with her beyond school, it is not difficult to imagine the depth of their pain, because she is a person that feels impossible to lose. She was always so enmeshed with those closest to her. How could she be gone while we are all still here?
She was our class president. We all loved her. Those who mourn her do not need to scrape the barrel to come up with nice things to say about her. It is an overflowing, endless stream of sincere remembrances. Simply put, she was the heart beat of our class in those last years. She worked endlessly on our behalf, organizing events and helping out friends. I have no doubt that her service will be full to overflowing, because I can not imagine that she has lived the past ten years any differently than she lived her life growing up. She loved to the core of her being, even to people that weren't her best friends despite the fact that she was surrounded by bratty private school kids. No easy feat.
I have been pondering those last years at WCS today.
It boils down to this. After twelve years of private school, our class reached a fever pitch... a desperation, for freedom from all that we thought had restrained us. I am aware that not every single person felt this way, but as a class, we certainly gave off that collective vibe of "GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" I know this is a common teenage angst, but those feelings were exacerbated and clearly festering after living in the same petri dish of roughly 120 classmates and 120 rules for over a decade.
I remember leaving those halls and swearing that I would never return, unless it was to visit my beloved teacher, Mrs. W.
I lost touch with the majority of my class over the years and felt pretty content in my decision never to attend any reunions. Partially in my wish to avoid certain people/memories and again, because I remembered being such a shallow, attention seeking drama queen in high school that I feel embarrassed at the thought of having to encounter old friends that once put up with my awful behavior on a daily basis.
Lastly, I felt so far removed from this school that played such a large part in my life. It had nothing to do with my life now, so why return? Even for just one night...no thank you. In light of our facebook age, the need to reconnect in person with people I might have awkward conversation with felt less and less appealing when I could just send a message from the safety of my computer.
Yet, this morning, when my sister called to bring me the news of an awful rumor spreading of this tragic death, my first thought was of those fellow classmates, I needed to hear one of those voices say, "Its just a rumor. It is not true. She lives."
I immediately contacted my friend, L, whom I have known since the first grade. She was one of my best friends when I first arrived at WCS. As we grew up, our interests went in different directions and we never had occasion to intersect, and yet I have always loved her. As soon as I heard her voice on the other end of the telephone, my tears started falling. Not only for this wonderful woman that had passed on at such a young age, but for the voice on the other end of the phone. For this friend that I shared endless birthday cakes and field trips with. We took tests together, played hopscotch together, won a tug of war game together at Field Day one year, sung in choir clad in the most humiliating costumes known to man, we have pictures of each other sporting terrible hair cuts...in short, we bore witness to each other's lives. And that is no small thing.
I heard in her voice immense sadness and shock. My heart broke for her and I could not stop wishing that I were close enough to reach out and hug her.
As the day continued, I reunited with friend after friend after friend. A note from a dear friend far away in Italy expressing love and sorrow. How I miss him! Some friends I had not exchanged words with in years and yet we did not bother with awkward small talk today, as I had once feared. Almost as if our friend had passed away before the first bell rang and we were getting the word out between second and third period that something had gone terribly wrong. Its funny how you can spend ten years apart and fall back in line within ten seconds, despite the maturing and changing that has taken place for us all. No one I spoke with missed a beat. Even as we grappled with the fact that she had passed away at such a young age. A Doctor, ready to heal and help, years of training, so much LIFE before her, suddenly gone. Yet we all seemed to be on the same page in the midst of this unspeakable horror and confusion.
I know that for most of us, this beautiful unity that goes beyond all earthly reasoning is quite easily explained. It is the unity we have in Christ. We knew our friend had passed into a glorious eternity with Jesus. No doubt about. Not even for a second. The ground we met on was level and it drew our eyes to the One who rejoices over her this night.
Rest in peace, sweet friend. It is no coincidence that you continue to bring your classmates together, even in the heartbreaking hours following your death. Your love drew us in...it always will.
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