Cowboy Pirates

Cowboy Pirates ride dolphins and lasso sharks. Those lassos, by the way, are made of braided kelp. And it would interest you to know that instead of spurs on their boots, they have starfish. Instead of "Yee-haw" they say "Yee-Arrrrrrgh." They are the scurvy heroes of the high seas. Terrible menace and community servant combined.

The Bungalow Brothers are the fiercest Cowboy Pirates on land or sea and demand that their carrot soup be renamed "Coyote Crab Soup." They have informed me that bath time is no longer necessary since they are always damp from the salty seas. Thanks to my Dad, the Cowboy Pirates learned the word "wench" the other day. Mercifully, they believe "wench" to be a kind of rhinoceros. As in, "Make room on the deck Captain Sneaky Eye Patch, here comes the BIG GIANT WENCH!"

Captain Tough Hook (Aka The Bear) rides on a green dolphin named "Fastest Hero." Captain Sneaky Eye Patch (Cubby) rides a blue dolphin named "Bob." Fastest Hero and Bob are also brothers and they love to eat squid pizza. Yum!

Baby Cowboy Pirate is aptly named, "Baby Cowboy Pirate" and seems to have a mischievous glint in his eye this morning. Baby Cowboy Pirate has been deemed "too little" to ride on dolphins. His brothers, while terribly fierce in battle, are exceptionally concerned for their baby brother's welfare. And so, Baby Cowboy Pirate has been ordered by both commanding officers to restrict himself to the cabin crib. The only exception, of course is when the ship's cook "Pirate Mrs. Kiss Your Nose" (Me), takes Baby Cowboy Pirate to the coral reef for lessons from a stingray. This particular coral reef stingray school subplot sounds like a storyline from "Finding Nemo." When I said as much to Captain Tough Hook he growled in my general direction, "This Stingray is different! His name is Hank. Hank the Stingray and he does NOT like to sing." Ahem. I stand corrected.

Time to prepare a bowl of Coyote Crab Soup for the Bungalow Brothers. They'll be tying up Fastest Hero and Bob to their barnacle crusted hitching posts at any moment. And as Pirate Mrs. Kiss Your Nose, I'd best have their soup hot and ready, or else I'll have to two step off the plank.