Bed Restless

Yup, we are grounded. Baby was naughty, tried to come early, and now we've been grounded.

I am an extremely active person in the sense that I love keeping up with my boys, cleaning my house, bible study, organizing the produce co-op, and I always have a project or two on hand. Suddenly each one of those things (minus bible study!) are off the plate. My midwife gently scolded me when she came by on Friday, "bed rest means you must stay on your back." Blech.

It hasn't even been a week and I have already watched season 2 of 30 Rock, every single premiere on ABC, read 4 books and finished the Bear's halloween costume which I made while watching 30 Rock. My legs and arms are restless. My head hurts. My body hurts from not moving it. The babe isn't happy either, he keeps kicking me in a way that clearly states, "get up and walk around so that I can be rocked to sleep." The boys are also breaking into my bedroom every five to ten minutes looking for me. The Bear's usual greeting, "I miss you Mom!" is breaking my heart. I can hear them running and playing just outside my door and I miss them terribly.

I think depression, frustration, resentment and anger could come quite easily if I let it overpower me. So I am focusing on the positive, or at least... making every possible attempt to do so. Having the discipline of BSF is extremely helpful right now, every day I get to delve into Isaiah and really soak it in for an hour or so. Then I take the time to pray that God would ease the onslaught of the above mentioned feelings. Then I typically cry and eat a couple of oreos (I feel that this is an essential component of processing the word of God). I cry because I am thankful that the baby and I are healthy and that I am starting bed rest at 32 weeks and not at 14 weeks. I cry because I miss my boys and my day to day life. I cry because I actually have a minute to process the absolute insanity that has been our household in the year 2010. Mostly I cry because God has protected us and seen us through each day.

So what's the plan now? I have a good 4 weeks of bed restlessness ahead of me. First of all, I am trying to catch up one some writing projects. Hooray! Secondly, I am finishing a lot of latent sewing/craft projects I've had laying around the house for the past year. Also up on the chopping block, a very very long reading list and an even longer movie marathon list. One day next week I am planning a Gone With The Wind day. Out of boredom I will make a dress out of curtains while I watch the South disappear into cinematic history.

Catching up on my correspondence also seems like a viable option. Please see: FUNTASTIC postcards of classic Penguin titles. I really feel like someone manufactured these just for me.

(Can you tell that I have been locked in my room for a week with only myself to think about?) I plan on filling these out over the next few weeks and bombarding people in my address book with them.

Lastly, when my brain is too fried to do anything else, I shall peruse my favorite stores and look longingly at all the cute fall things that I won't be able to wear this year. I already found one drool worthy item. Anthropologie and Mondo from Project Runway fell in love and made a baby and I want to wear it!

yes please

These are all things that keep me distracted and somewhat happy. Really, all I want to do is jump out of bed and go wrestle with my boys. I want to take them to the Zoo and to the Farmer's Market. I want to bake Pumpkin bread and give it away to friends and family.

Mostly, I want to not think about myself right now. Which is impossible because...that's basically what bed rest is, thinking about yourself and your little baby nugget.

4 weeks and counting.........

Taking a Moment

There comes a point each day when I need to just stop and take a moment. This usually occurs between the hours of 3 and 5PM (aka The Waiting For Daddy Zone). The boys are usually tired from all the activities of the day, on their way to getting seriously hungry for dinner regardless of any grapes or banana slices consumed at this juncture, and they are usually running around in circles shouting, yelling or making animal noises NONSTOP because they are just so dang riled up about seeing their Daddy soon. The dog is typically uncooperative as well, but with far more attitude since he is apparently still trying to usurp me as J's wife.

Today, we finished a rather long potty training session in our small bathroom. It was a half hour filled with many questions and a lot of giggling. Questions my eldest child posed ranged from:

"Where did my poop go?"

to the more anatomically advanced musing of:

"Mommy, where is your penis?"

After a delicately phrased answer to the latter question I received a look of genuine pity from my nearly 2 year old. His face distinctly read: poor Mommy, getting fatter every day and to top it all off, she has no penis.

Once we finished potty training, everyone washed their hands and scattered to different areas of the house. The Bear hopped madly down the hall and proclaimed himself to be a bouncing bullfrog. Cubs picked up a plastic wiffle bat and ran for the front room window which affords a view of the street and the first glimpse of Daddy on his bicycle. He likes to bang on the window sill with his baseball bat while waiting for Daddy's bicycle to glide into view.

Crumbs, splatters of juice, books, animal flashcards, phonics games, crayons and matchbox cars littered the floor. Cubs screamed at the top of his lungs with joyful anticipation while the Bear continued to jump loudly up and down the hall while shouting the same phrases over and over in that shrill toddler tone of voice. I tried to sit down but then a certain little someone decided that he'd rather be rocked some more by the sway of my walk and so promptly kicked me in the ribs until I give in, stood up and walked around for him. (Demanding little bugger).

I mentally ticked off the minutes until I heard the side gate swing open and the sound of J's cheerful voice calling out to his sons. I knew that as soon as he walked in the house would erupt into further depths of chaos until he gathered them in his arms and swept them outdoors to play for awhile.

Then I would get to clean the floors, start getting dinner together, prepare the night activity and/or the bathtub for their post dinner hose down. I usually get started the minute the door shuts behind my boys. Today, however, I dropped into the rocking chair and let out a huge breath. I looked around at the disaster zone in my family room. I felt the tension in my back and sides. Then I felt my little one kick me again. I closed my eyes and took a moment to really appreciate the amount of energy it took my kids to destroy everything. The cracker bits, the juice stains on my couch, the endless puzzle pieces. Thank God they are healthy, active and able to make such glorious messes.

I took an extra little moment to think about the length of Cubby's eyelashes. I thought about the last bit of baby chub on the Bear's inner thigh (yum). I thought about that moment today, just before Cubs knocked over his juice and about half an hour after the Bear cried over his misplaced stegosaurus, when both boys sat down in their chairs and chatted over a few books. I watched them quietly for a few minutes before realizing that the Bear was reading to Cubby and teaching him new words. When they were done, Cubby stood up, walked over to the Bear and hugged him. Sigh.

I held onto that moment, thanked God for my kids and our precious life here at the bungalow and walked to the cupboard to binge on some chocolate because lets face it....cute memories only get you so far when you are pregnant, its really the chocolate that keeps you sane.

sweetness

Many of my posts about Cubby so far have highlighted his adventuresome, sassy, and wild personality. Tonight I would like to delve into the sweetness of his heart, which I can assure you, runneth over. Anyone who hangs out with us can tell you, Cubs and I love each other to pieces. We have a very deep and special connection, I attribute this to his birth and the hours we spent together immediately after. Its not uncommon these days for people to looks over at us and say, "uh-oh, someone is going to be in for a real BIG surprise when November comes around and there is a new baby in the house." Assuming of course that Cubby and his wild personality will throw a royal fit when a new baby is in my arms.

True to an extent. But I have witnessed several instances in the past month which lead me to firmly believe that Cubby will not only adjust faster than people expect but that he will also be an excellent big brother. Almost all of these examples stem from the sweetness of his heart. Here are a few tidbits of life with Cubby, on the sweet side.

Cubs is both a lover and a fighter. I've seen him knock his older brother to floor, leap on him aggressively and then proceed to kiss and hug him. Not to mention cuddling nonstop with our demanding pampered dog, Frankie. Cubs has become Frank's "get out of jail free" card ever since he learned how to open the cage door, which he does often and for the sole purpose of hugging his dog.

Cubby watches everything I do and more often than not, demands to participate in whatever I am doing. Whenever I drag a load of freshly washed laundry into his room, he'll drop his toys and come running to help out. His job? I pile the hangers onto his bed and he sorts them out and hands them to me one at a time. He's pretty good at it.

Each and every day I walk into the kitchen and start hauling out ingredients for mealtimes and its not long before I hear the familiar scraping sound of Cubby dragging his chair over to the counter top. He positions it carefully, climbs on and then peers over the counter with an eager grin on his face. His job in the kitchen usually entails either washing fruits and vegetables, placing things I have chopped into bowls, or helping me knead dough. He makes a mess, but its a beautiful one and I really don't mind it.

I learned quickly that Cubs is an extremely energetic toddler. Left to his own devices he gets into a lot of trouble, fast. But when he's directed in his activities, when I let him channel his energy into something useful, even if its not the sort of activity toddlers typically engage in, I find that he is happy and fulfilled. I end up scolding much less and we spend a happy day together.

I love that Cubs always seeks me out during the day. He wants to do things with me. He is incredibly social for his age and would much rather interact with others than play by himself.

Here comes the bulk of the sweetness. Cubby is a twenty month old little boy who loves to take care of his family. He likes to help me wash my hands, he likes to fetch things for his brother (almost as much as he likes stealing things away), he loves to bring the dog water. He kisses my growing belly everyday and loves saying "hi" to the little boy growing inside. I had a particularly horrible day a few weeks ago that eventually led to a five minute sob session on the floor of the bathroom. I plopped down and wept. Cubs heard me and came running. He crawled into my lap and rubbed my arms with his little hands and kissed my face. He comforted me the way I always comfort him. We treasured each other for a few moments. And yes, it made me cry harder when he did that.... my sweet delicious angel.

Bottom line: Cubs cares and loves us back. He likes to serve others, even if only in the most simple ways. Its the part of him I love to nurture most, its the part of him most like his father.

I know that when the baby comes, Cubby will be right by my side, helping out and falling in love with his little brother.

September

Welcome September!! I am very happy to see you. I am normally not a fan of counting down the days, with my two precious little ones growing up so fast, I try my best to savor each and enjoy the phase they are in at the moment. Not so with August. Between the growing belly, exhausting ten day family vacation and Cubby breaking three molars at once...I was more than ready to kiss August goodbye.

Add to all that the fact that BSF starts up again mid-September! I can't wait!

So September, I will try my hardest to fill this blog up with many memories of our days this month. Here is a sweet one for today:

We finished dinner tonight and the boys stripped down in the dining room and ran for the bath tub. J followed them over and proceeded to give them their baths. I stood in the hallway and listened to the boys chatting with their hero. The Bear washed J's arm at one point and it was sweet to see him "taking care" of daddy. Cubs is also starting to chatter up a storm these days, pelting us with sass and spunk!

After bath time, they brushed their teeth. The Bear declared that he would brush his teeth very fast and then very loudly, he did both with a big smile. The boys put on their PJs and played in the nursery with J for awhile. We tucked them in an hour later and then the lightning began. Huge bolts of lightning, heavy rain and most notably for them, loud thunder. The Bear informed us of two things when we walked into the nursery. First, "I am awake Mommy!" Secondly, "Its thunder! Its very loud!" Cubs screamed his head off.

Another peal of lightning and crash of thunder which the Bear pointed out to us as Cubby tossed his arms around my neck, threw his head back and let out a loud wail.

J crawled into bed with a very chatty, very awake Bear while I settled into Cubby's bed with him. His heart was beating very fast, his chin trembled, his little eyes peaked around the room and he let out the occasional "oh no, thunder."

I loved sitting together in the dark, all four of us, huddled together with the smell of baby soap still lingering in the air. Somewhere along the way we became a family, not merely in the biological sense of procreating and then caring for children, but existing as our own little unit of love and caring. We are enduring things together, weathering storms outside and inside the bungalow. We share in joy and in sorrow. And now that its September, we only have 8-9 more weeks before someone else joins the gang.