Two

The Bear turned two yesterday. We celebrated by visiting the zoo. He loves animals with an all consuming fervor, a joyous bottle rocket excitement so rarely seen in adults, his blue eyes alight with a beautiful glow of pleasure when he sees his favorites. When we rounded the corner and came upon the African Elephant enclosure he could not stop saying, "WOW!!" Many hours later we finally got into our car and drove home, he fell fast asleep with a satisfied smile on his face.

Later in the evening, the grandparents and great grandparents came over for birthday cake. The Bear ate his gingerly with a spoon and tried very hard not to be messy. Cubby fisted two mini cupcakes and ate them with zest, when it was all said and done he looked a bit like Proust (in his later years of course) with his pale cheeks and alarmingly dark beard of chocolate frosting. The Bear received a toy phone from my Abuela, which he picked up and pressed to his ears with an expectant "Hello." My father gave him a small swatch, a special gift representing their mutual love and enjoyment of watches. J and I gave him an assortment of animals. The Bear loved these! He walked around all day holding as many as his hands could carry at once.

I am so proud of my little boy. I love the way he enjoys reading books every day. There is no better interruption of my cooking or cleaning, than the Bear grabbing onto my leg with a book in his hands and a silent plea in his eyes. We curl up together several times a day and lose ourselves in books. He loves eating rice and beans at my grandparents houses and always has a cheeky smile and a sweet hug for everyone around him. The outdoors is a magical place for him, the trees, rocks, and dirt in our backyard are treasures to him. Going for walks with his Daddy and playing the drums together after dinner are an everyday must. I like how much he enjoys bath time. As soon as he finishes his last bite at dinner time, we hear him piping up from his chair, "Bath, bath, bath!" And the moment the final drops of water circle the drain he yells, "teeth, teeth, teeth," and he will not cease until he has spent several minutes brushing his teeth with his Annie toothbrush. Then as soon as that is done he yells, "Book, book, book" and its time to read for at least half an hour before he goes to sleep.

The Bear loves his grandparents and talks to them in his imagination while he plays throughout the day. He gets worried and concerned when one of us leaves the house, even if its just for a moment. But whenever he is at a relatives house, he does not even give a backwards glance when we leave! Best of all, the Bear gives wonderful hugs and the sweetest kisses on earth. He has a delightful giggle and a small rascal streak about him that is quite endearing.

He knows his way around town as well. If I veer off the road that leads to various relatives houses, he shouts out their names in a horrified voice as if to say, "Mother, how could you do this to me?" The Bear is a meticulous builder and has a very organized way of playing with his toys. I love the way he puts everything in a very specific order.

These are just a few small things that make the Bear so special to me, even though these things are changing every day. His little chubby legs are no longer bent and every day he loses more and more of his old baby ways and seems to gain a hundred and one new elements of childhood. The Bear is becoming a kid.

Happy Birthday to my little guy.

Catching Up/Catching Colds

All of my blissful birthday planning circled the drain at about 4AM on the 13th of December. The Bear woke up, burning with fever and all thoughts of birthday cheer flew out of my head as I held his small trembling body in my hands. Off we went to the emergency room, where my brave little boy endured hours of painful testing, extreme discomfort and shoddy care before we finally returned home exhausted and disillusioned. I spent the morning and early afternoon hours caring for him while he whimpered sadly on my bed. Later that day we all dressed up and went to my parents as planned, for my birthday dinner feast, which was absolutely lovely. My mother made my favorite, strawberry shortcake, and we enjoyed the evening as much as possible before having to take the Bear home again.

A few days later we left for Disney World. J, the boys, my mother and I spent a few days in Orlando and we celebrated my birthday at the Magic Kingdom. I'm not sure what it is about Disney World that always gets me. Perhaps its the story of Walt Disney and his incredible talent, love and persistence in putting together a dream world for all to enjoy. It could just be that Disney World feels like the inside of a fairy tale snow globe in my imagination, one I can visit and put back on the shelf where it remains untouched until I return. Even though we are always surrounded by thousands of other tourists when we go, you somehow still feel that it is a secret world, waiting to be revealed. Either way, when we finally walked onto Main Street and I saw the looks of unveiled wonder on my children's faces it brought tears to my eyes. I felt grateful that they could experience such wonder and magic in their lives when so many other children only see war and poverty. What joy to celebrate my sons and their ability to experience imagination and dreams! It was a truly happy birthday.

I haven't been able to write much as of late. This is due to several things...

In part because the boys have been catching cold after cold since thanksgiving and in part because my heart is still aching over our lost pregnancy. It is a loss I feel deep in my bones and writing opens up the most vulnerable parts of that hurt. At times its easier to walk away from writing for awhile and allow my heart to grieve.

Then there is my usual seasonal slow down. This always happens because of the rushing world around me. I never feel rushed at Christmas. Seeing the general public panicking over gifts and scurrying from party to party makes me want to stop altogether and curl up on my couch and breathe deeply. I climb into a little hideaway spot, tucked away in my mind and mull over the past year. I try to be deliberate about eliminating things that did not work for us as a family and including things that will improve our quality of life together. One of the things I loved about the past year was this small space of mine. Being able to write down the little things in life that I cherish helps me to savor each day and I am glad that years from now the boys can look on these pages and know me. I have had many hours this Season of such pondering and thinking---but one thing has definitely been sorely missed.

I am saddened to have missed every Advent Sunday of the season at our new church. I refuse to take my children to the nursery at church when they are sick, out of respect for the other families and their children. There is nothing worse than being greeted at the door of the church nursery by children with runny noses and hacking coughs, and so to avoid a revival of the plague, we have opted to stay home from church.

Even though I have missed the carols and scripture readings, I have still greatly enjoyed Advent. The power of love and peace overwhelms me at Christmas. I grieve for those that spend their lives devoted to cold, lifeless statutes. Particularly during advent, when the magnificence of Christ is truly illuminated! Sending His Son down to us, extending His perfect and holy presence into the filth and mire of our world--- makes me tremble with the knowledge that God has purposefully chosen to engage in my life. We, who fear to be too personal with others, are confronted by the Christ child at Christmas.

May the presence of Christ confront you this Christmas, may it surround you with peace and engage your heart with His undying love.

Recovering

The day of travel took its toll on us. We woke up feeling bone-deep weariness. Bear has a slight cold, J is out of sorts and Cubby is taking longer than usual to settle down for the night.

I made the most of my day by cleaning the bungalow from top to bottom. A few knick knacks from Grandma's house were cycled into the organizing bins, travel documents safely corralled into folders and a bit of garden therapy rounded out the afternoon. Cubby's Christmas stocking arrived while we were out of town and I took a few minutes today to hang it up next to Bear's stocking. Lastly, I set aside a bit of time for baking and made Pumpkin muffins and quick bread for the week. I love this recipe. The muffins are moist and sweet and the quick bread has a beautiful golden crumb. For anyone interested in indulging their taste buds....

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Bread /Muffins

1C yogurt

3C Pumpkin

4 Eggs

1C Brown Sugar

1/2C Sugar

8 T Butter (melted)

4 1/2C Flour

2 T Baking Powder

1 t. Baking Soda

1 t. Salt

3T Cinnamon

3T Fresh Ginger

1T Pumpkin Spice

Chocolate Chips to your heart's content

A few crushed Pecans for good measure

350 degrees until golden brown.

I'll be taking the next few days to nurse the Bear and soothe our travel-weary souls. Happily, this is the time of year when I choose 4 childhood books I love and re-read them. This year the Anne of Green Gables series is on my list and I decided to read all eight books before my birthday next week. Life seems so much brighter with Anne Shirley's musings in my head.