A quick update

Forgive the month long lapse in writing.

We have had year upon year of difficulty in our little family and for the past month I have desperately needed peace and refreshment. I feel like Jesus is slowly leading me to a place of comfort that I need.

Isaiah 42:3

" A bruised reed He will not crush, a smoldering wick He will not snuff out. In faithfulness He will bring forth justice."

I've been clinging to this. I really have. The babe had a three day hospital visit nearly two weeks ago. That verse sustained me. We've been through a lot but God has never forsaken us. We are in a vulnerable place right now and we need rest. Does that mean that nothing bad will happen to us?...no. It means that God will not crush us or leave us without hope. If anything, He sustains and we put all our hope on Him.

God has also been renewing our life here in this city. After a long period of living spiritually dormant, God led us to a new church with new fellowship that has blossomed all around us. We feel such joy to see God actively working in our lives! New ministry opportunities have come up as well and we are so grateful that we can now pour our hearts into a church as a family.

I can't write much this afternoon, but I wanted to update all of my sweet friends following this little blog. The boys are growing more and more each day. They are curious about God and the world He has created. I am working hard to help them understand their place in it. Teaching a child to worship and serve God is a great privilege, one that I do not take lightly. I am so thankful for God's grace to me in that area because consistency is so very hard.

More updates to come...

Susana

Since last April, we have been praying for a beautiful princess named Susana.

Susana and her family are missionaries in Haiti and last April, Susana was diagnosed with nueroblastoma. She was 4 years old.

We are not related to Susana, in fact we have never met. But I wanted the boys to pray for her. I wanted them to know and love their little sister in Christ. So we prayed for her...

In January, we received the sad update that Susana's health was failing. Her little body was overwhelmed with tumors and her prognosis was terminal. We prayed almost every night for her.

Yesterday, Susana went to heaven to be with Jesus. I believe with all my heart that she is with Him now. Perfect and whole. Susana's 10 month battle with cancer was painful and worshipful. I can send you the link to her parent's ministry if you want to read more about her battle. She fought well. She praised the Lord through it all.

Last night, as we tucked the boys in bed, I shared the news of Susana's passing with my eldest son, who has just turned 3.

All those who knew Susana's story and heard of her passing felt sorrow. I felt like weeping when I heard the news. My heart broke.

The Bear's reaction was quite different when I told him.

The Bear looked at me and then sat up in bed, pumped his little fist in the air and shouted, "THAT IS AWESOME!!!! Susana is with Jesus!! At her Jesus Party!"

A Jesus Party. How great is that?

We talked about heaven and what Susana was seeing in heaven. The Bear wanted to include things he loves like dinosaurs and race cars but we also talked about the beautiful Princess gown she would be wearing, as a beloved daughter of the King.

Her hair is long and beautiful and curly, I said to him.

"Woooow" he responded, "Just like Dora."

I smiled. "Even better than Dora."

"And Mom, Jesus made her a cake. With all color sprinkles"

He began listing all the colors of sprinkles, so that I could say, "Yes. Rainbow sprinkles."

"She will love that!" he said.

"And she can dance, run, sing and ROAR!!" he added.

"She can!!" I affirmed, "Jesus has made her all better. He touched her, called her home and fixed every part of Susana that felt tired and hurt."

The Bear smiled and then roared again.

Early next week I am adding a new rose plant to my garden. This one is for Susana and I want it to be the brightest pink I can find. The boys can help me plant it, and I will remind them whenever we are working in the garden on that particular rose bush, that Susana praised Jesus even when she was hurting. Which is really a tremendous thing when you consider that most adults don't even know how to do that.

I know my boys are extremely young to really grasp the full meaning of Susana's life and death and eternal life. But I also know that this little girl and her story has continued to water the little seed growing inside each of my boys. They saw another child worshipping and loving Jesus. It made them want to know Him better. Susana taught my boys to call on Jesus.

Thank you, sweet darling girl, your courage and love for God taught my boys something powerful and drew them closer to Jesus.

Names

When do you call on Him? And what do you call Him when you do?

In times of fear and uncertainty, we often reach out to the ones closest to us. Family, friends, or perhaps things that bring us temporary comfort. Even believers fail to reach out for His righteous right hand, even though it is ever extended in our direction.

I worshipped an idol for most of my life. The idol in my heart was, in fact, God. Not Yaweh, not the "I AM," but the God I had decided that He should be. I didn't bother reading the Bible too often. I used the stories I had heard all my life to fabricate the God I thought He was, rather than look to His word to KNOW Him for Himself. Last year, God tore that false idol down. My life fell apart at the seams. I began to frantically reach out for things and people to save me. I needed something to comfort me. Something to distract from the overwhelming pain and fear. I kept trying to fill the space with thoughts and ideas about God that I wanted to hear. So He ripped everything apart again, until there was nothing but silence. Then He showed Himself. He began demonstrating every day, who He is. The more I opened His word, the more I of Him I saw. Faith is not blind. Faith sees.

Today, I can cry out to my God in a whole new way. He has many names in my heart and every day I am learning more. God has taught me not to limit Him. Not to draw lines about where He can and can not go.

When I first became a mother I wanted to introduce my child to Jesus, slowly. I assumed my son could not understand much at a young age. I drew a line and told God how far He could go. I was wrong.

My sons have not built up a false image of God...as of yet. For the most part, they are clean slates, just beginning to understand the world. The greatest thing I can ever do for my children is introduce them to the one true God of this universe. In a world filled with passive relativism, where sin is no longer sin but "disorder" or even worse, "natural," I long for my sons to stand in the way of truth. They only way I can help fill them is to keep filling myself with the word. God erased the line I had carefully drawn and in His mercy, stepped over it. Last week I heard my eldest son pray over my youngest child. Three weeks ago, my infant son responded to worship songs he had heard from inside my womb in a way unlike his response to other nursery rhymes or songs. Last month my second son learned how to worship God by placing his hands up and shouting "GLORY" at the skies above. They are learning about him and they are learning to love Him freely.

I found this today and am so interested to learn more about the names of God. Its tough to discipline myself to seek Him first at all times, especially when I have relied on so many other places for help most of my life. Knowing these names will help me remember to call on Him. If you are interested in learning the names of God in Hebrew, this website spells them out, pronounces them and defines them. He knows me so intimately, I want to know Him that way too.

click here for the site.

The Scoop on Poop

Yesterday, we took the boys to the zoo. They were giving free t-shirts at the entrance to all members, in honor of their newly opened exhibit called, "The Scoop on Poop." We are now the proud owners of two dark brown shirts with a graphic depicting the silhouette of a warthog taking a dump. Not joking. Size large to boot! The zoo created a fantastic exhibit outlining how all the poop in the zoo is used to help decrease their global footprint and increase their sustainability.

Poop has become my life lately.

An equally weird and disgusting statement to make. But there are many weird and disgusting milestones on the Mommyhood path and right now I am at the Poopville stop just north of Diaper City.

There are many things that surprised me about potty training. Beginning with the fact that I never thought I'd be so excited to watch someone else drop a load. But when you watch your little darling have his or her first little moment of success on the pot, joy abounds! No one told me how over the moon I would be! And I really was, over the moon and floating happily through the universe until I suddenly came crashing back to the earth with the reality that no diapers, means more work.

Sorry to disillusion any of my mommy friends that haven't potty trained yet. The loss of diapers definitely brings a bit more financial freedom to your checking account but free time is not an automatic given with potty training.

I suddenly find myself living in our bathroom. I am in there all the time! Granted, we potty trained two toddlers at once so the monopoly poop has on my life right now is understandable. The Bear says he needs to go. I follow him, offer assistance as needed, maybe read a story if he needs a few extra minutes, help him clean himself, wash his hands, take a deep breath and reach over to turn off the bathroom light when I here Cubby's soft little voice pipe out, "Me go potty too, Mama!!" And we do it all over again with Cubby. I am in the bathroom with each child for an average of fifteen minutes. Then, twenty to thirty minutes later, nature calls once more, ok...twice.

For all those in the midst of potty training, I hope the end is near for you. And if its nowhere in sight and the potty has become the Mordor of your life and your little orc is stubborn and constipated, well sister, I have a few words for you. Here's our story, the scoop on our poop.

Cubs was an absolute snap to train. He loved it! Aim my pecker at something and pee on it? Sign me up! He was all for it. The Bear? Not so much. He was afraid of the toilet. He loved his diapers, etc etc. The cons were stacked up a mile high and the only pro was being diaper free. I would ask him to go and my delightful first born, who is usually unbelievably obedient and loving, would stamp his foot and shout, "NO WAY!"

So I pulled a Modern Mommy and began to tearfully google all things potty training. I was tired and desperate. I was having nightmares that I would be the parent of a 9 year old in diapers. I was not happy to find that the majority of parents resorted to buying toys or giving candy for having success on the potty. I didn't want him to find positive value in his identity or triumphs through food or gifts, but did I have any other choice?

I did. I listened to my kid.

Turns out that no matter how hard you try, you can never force another human to pee. At least, not without inflicting some major emotional trauma. I listened to my boy and soaked in the fundamental elements of his personality. What he loves and how he relates to people and ideas. Then I took stock of what kind of parent I was and what kind I of parent I wanted to be. Really, who ever thought poop could provide such a defining moment in life?

Well it did.

So I waited a few extra months, and then I did it his way. Or at least, that is what I let him think. No rewards---food or otherwise. No begging or pleading, I have a firm rule not to negotiate with toddlers that terrorize. We gave him rules, no videos or trains until you potty. If you have an accident (poop or pee), you have to clean it up yourself. You get to flush the toilet and you are in charge of washing your hands. My son is a perfectionist and he loves instructions. He likes knowing the boundaries. I think he took one look at that toilet all those months ago and thought, "You want me to do what? GROSS!!!" I had to show him that it was the better, cleaner way to go. I had to realize that he will never respond in the affirmative if I ask him to go to the bathroom, he likes to be the one to let me know. He needed the why. He needed the reasoning. He needed the mechanics, my little engineer. He also thrives on having items designated for specific purposes or uses. To aid in the "special" element of potty training, I bought about 15 books to keep in the bathroom. They are only for the bathroom. His favorite stories and characters live beside the toilet. He can read them whenever he needs to go. Not as a reward for going, but as a component of the joy and privilege potty training can bring to a big boy.

Cubs by the way loves the social aspect of potty training. Oh wait, sorry, did you think potty training instruction involved discussions on privacy? Sorry, he is only two and I think this lesson will have to wait awhile. Cubs loves to perch on the toilet and chat with me. "Mama, I love you so much. Do you see a dragon? I want to eat macaroni. Can we play outside? Read me the book now please. Oh! oh! I DID IT, I did a big potty fo! Can I flush it?"

I have more grey hairs now that its all said and done. But I understand my boys in a whole new way. I think its because we took the tougher road of getting to know one another rather than the easier road involving M&Ms each time you pee.

I had a lot of parenting revelations when I was at the end of my rope. I'll share just one with you right now. Effective communication with my kids is important to me. I want to really hear them when they speak with me. I want them to understand my heart when I speak to them. I never want to bully them into obedience or bribe them into good behavior. I want them to see the why behind everything we do as a family. If you are reading this and don't know what the why in question is, I will tell you. Its Jesus. Everything we do as a family, we commit to him as an act of worship because he loves us. It is not our emotional crutch, its not just a nice thing to do for our kids, it is the ROCK of who we are.

And so, I have committed to pray for the hard conversations of the future, even now. I pray that God would infuse them with peace, grace and understanding.

Here's hoping that your potty training days lead to a better understanding of your children, even at your the expense of your hair color.

Oh, The Things You Say

Half an hour ago I was near tears.

The boys were eating their lunch and Cubby told me he had to use the potty.

We didn't make it in time.

Cubs pooped on the floor just as The Babe began crying for a feeding. The Bear watched the pandemonium in silence. Cubs wailed, thinking he had failed. He is usually flawless when it comes to his potty time. I tried to reassure him while sanitizing his hands and the floor and also comforting The Babe as best I could from across the room.

"I am going to cry!" I wailed in misery.

The Bear's head came up and he said, "Oh no, Mom! Don't cry!"

I walked to him and gave him a hug.

He reached up and began stroking my hair.

He then said, "Please don't cry, Mom. Because you are a girl. If you cried it would be just awful."

I looked up in surprise and then tears really did flood my eyes.

When did he learn the difference between boys and girl? Where did he learn the word awful? How do you go from being a needy baby one moment to a caring, compassionate and thoughtful little human being the next?

Early this morning I sat at the dining room table working quietly on my Bible study. Rather, I tried to work on my Bible study while the kids danced around me, alternately fighting and asking questions. I was studying Isaiah 40. Learning about the sheer massiveness of my God, I tried to wrap my mind around all he could do. I pondered the amazing fact that He was not created, that he is infinite coupled with the incredible fact that He has always been and always will be.

But as you can imagine, it was quite difficult to really meditate on these enormous thoughts when all around me little people are running, shouting, leaping and making more noise than a three ring circus.

I gave up after a while and went over to our piano and spontaneously decided to grab a hymnal. Then began singing worship songs for my Lord.

The boys have never really heard me sing. They have heard me sing little children's songs but they have never quite heard my full voice. I have sung on very few occasions in the last five years. The joy of music was lost to me after a traumatic event in college. But this morning, I found joy in it once more. After I finished the first song, I noticed a strange sound in my home.

The sound of silence. Complete and total silence.

The Bear stood looking at me with wide eyes.

"Mom" he finally managed, "You are a great singer."

I smiled from ear to ear and thanked him.

"No really," he insisted, "You are awesome."

He spent the rest of the morning telling me so. I smiled every single time.

After he comforted me at lunch time, I thought back to his words earlier this morning and realized that his compliments were mimicked affirmations that I constantly give my boys. They try something new and I am always quick to say, "You are amazing," "You are doing a fantastic job," and "I am so proud of you." He has learned how to affirm people and be kind. He has learned compassion and caring. He is a kind person.

This means so very much to me. Beyond all the alphabet letters, numbers, potty training and memorized animal species, this holds so much more weight for me.

My son is kind. Its evident in the things he says.

Ticker Tape Parade Worthy

Ok, so I haven't blogged enough this month. Believe me, when I am running after my kids I always think, Man, I need to write about such and such later on tonight! But then later on tonight arrives and I am half asleep by 8PM. Really, these boys are working me hard throughout the day!

So I will set up a personal goal to blog about two helpful things for my Mommy friends, before the month is out. 1) Cold Medicines for Toddlers and 2) Discipline. I know, you can hardly contain your excitement. But these two topics have come up quite often in the bungalow this past year.

Enough on that for now.

Ahem. Drum roll please.......

Cubs and The Bear are potty trained.

Ta-DA!!!!

Cubs could have been potty trained months ago but I was just way too gosh darn tired to be consistent with it. And The Bear has this unbelievable fear of toilets so it took a while to convince him that potty training was a good idea.

This morning the boys went a good 4 1/2 hours without any accidents. They are wearing big boy underpants, informing me each time they have to go and I have deemed them, "TRAINED."

I was able to make carrot soup and fresh cornbread while they played and used their respective potties. This month is all about F R E E D O M. My boys are growing up and gaining more independence every day. I am so proud of them and relieved for J and I. We now only have one very tiny cute baby booty to worry about diapering. :)

Side note: I did notice that I composed a sentence mentioning food preparation and potty training all in one breath. Ick, I know. I can't believe some of the things I have caught myself saying since I became a Mom. Maybe I should compose a list? #1 would definitely be this gem from 2009: "Well, at least you ate your own poop and not someone else's."

I'll be busy the rest of this week getting things geared up for the boy's birthday party. I am also loading up pictures for a big ebay sale. I have never sold anything on ebay before, but there are things in my closet that can translate to easy cash and I am going to go for it!

Try to contain yourselves until next week for the informative, stomach-churning post about toddlers & cold medicine.

Search and Rescue

Its that time of year again...time to clean up all the Christmas faradiddle lying about the house. But wait! Something is different this year...

Oh yes, Hurricane Cubs was loose in the house throughout this entire yuletide season. This means that I have to collect ornaments off of the tree, floors, and chairs. A few behind the couch, some in the tub, a few under his bed and two in his treasure box. Manger pieces mixed in the toy bins, Baby Jesus hanging out with T Rex and a plastic goat. Jackpot!!! Six ornaments behind the drum set. With the last discovered cache came the realization that pine needles had also trailed into random corners of the house. Ay yi yi. Looks to me like we'll be remembering this Christmas all year long with pine needle findings each month.

I'm happy Cubs loves Christmas time. The search and rescue operative commencing in early January? Not so much.