transition normal

We left a week early.

A hard decision to make, but one that needed to be made. A "Mama Bear call" really. My boys and I were having a hard go of it and we needed to act fast in order to reach our next transition. My mom graciously moved her schedule around and left within 12 hours notice with us for a grueling three day road trip.

I fell in love with Savannah and Baltimore on the way up and have made a mental note to return to each for longer periods of time in the future.

We rolled into A-town with the 18 month old sprouting his two year old molars, a 103.5 degree fever for the 3 years old, one sick Bella and a swollen pregnant mama.

Now begins the new task.  The newest transition in a string of 10 or 12.

I usually push myself to be the best mother I can possibly be to my boys. Not so these past few months...

I simply strive to survive and help them cope.

This phase is no different at the moment. But later this week, I am really and truly hoping to get "back to normal" as much as possible. We have no idea how long we will be living with my in-laws as we wait for our housing to be sorted out. Thankfully, living with them is the best thing for the boys right now because it is a familiar space and one they love being in. It's a good space to stop and breathe in...a good space to just be and figure out how to relate to one another after so many hard months and weeks of life.

Our dear friends are literally staring into the face of a massive wildfire in Colorado and will in all likelihood need to evacuate their home. They've been on my mind constantly. Other friends are facing tough transitions too. New jobs, divorces, relocations, unemployment, single parenting. They've been on my heart too as I "watch" them struggle in the same boat, parenting during those especially hard times.

I"ll never forget the roughest moments of my childhood... which always centered around hurricanes. First Hugo and then Andrew. Each hurricane calling my father away from his family in order to establish his business and make a living to provide for us. He left to South Carolina for three months after Hugo hit. Leaving my mother to care for my sister and I.

Back then all I knew was that Daddy left to help other kids who lost their homes, just like the superhero   I knew him to be, and my mother stayed behind to be our anchor and support.

Now as a mother I look back and think...how in the world did she do it? I don't remember her melting down, I can not recall anger or panic or frustration. No memories of my mother exhausted or overwhelmed with the sudden responsibility of being a single parent after years of co-parenting. Even though I am sure she must have felt all those things at different times.

Instead, I remember laughing. A lot. I remember dinners without Dad, the three of us huddled around the card table talking about how much we loved him and how much he was helping all those kids who had lost their homes. I clearly remember my mother rising to the occasion to make us feel loved and secure.

After Andrew hit,  Dad had to work nonstop...for years. Yet again, I remember those "barely scraping by" moments with a smile. Mom managed to keep it fun for us. Even when all we had for dinner were cheetos and coke and vienna sausages served before that single candle while the late August humidity of Miami engulfed our little home. I remember her being there. It was more than enough.

I am drawing strength from those memories now. There are times when I stop and wonder...will they ever recover from this craziness? All these hard weeks of no schedule and routine and no familiarity?

Of course they will. They are so so young right now. The Bear will be the only one to remember this time.

The majority of my days, I feel frazzled and frustrated and exhausted, but when the sun sets we are still a family, we are still together, no matter what trials we met with that day. No matter how many different ways I failed to keep it together, I am here for them now and that is what matters most.

The second to last transition continues and we are eagerly awaiting the final one in this series. Our new home transition.

But we probably shouldn't get too comfortable, someone is reminding me at the moment by kicking me squarely in the ribs. New Baby transition is just around the corner too!

PA

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back.

Its been way way way too long since I've updated but to say that I had zero time to write is an understatement. The months and weeks leading up to J's dissertation defense were crazy. I was stumbling around in my first trimester stupor of exhaustion and was pretty much solo parenting on most days, especially towards the end. Once the dissertation was defended, J needed to make his revisions, submit his defense for publication and finish writing articles for a few journals. So yeah, even busier than before, not sure how that happened....

Then came graduation, the big day we had all been waiting for. It was awesome. I simply can not express my gratitude to the Lord for bringing us to that moment of celebration and accomplishment. We are all extremely proud of J, not only for his scholastic achievements, but also for the tremendous way he lived his life during those five long, stressful years. He is an excellent husband and father and has always kept the Lord first in his life. He draws me closer to Jesus. He is both the head and the anchor of our little family.

A few days after graduation, J and I were cruising around Marco Island with the kids. His phone rings and within minutes we are parked outside a mini golf hut shaking our heads in disbelief, tear in our eyes, thanking the Lord for providing J with a job.

I knew God would provide. I knew he would. I just didn't know when. I was preparing myself for the long haul of unemployment. We know so many people enduring that particular trial right now and I felt myself bracing for it. But the Lord provided right on time. The cherry on top? This job was J's "dream job" out of all the jobs he had looked at or applied for. (I should mention that a job in Fairbanks, Alaska was on the list. This cuban was F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G out about that one).

We were given exactly four weeks to pack up our life and head on up to PA.

I tried not to hit the mental panic button. I really did. I told myself not to...repeatedly.

But ya know what? Aside from being pregnant, having three children, a husband that just went through a grueling five years of grad school and not having slept well in five years...  I am a control freak who hates packing.

So I am sure you can imagine my mental state this past month...actually please don't.

We finished loading the truck yesterday and as I write this J and Frankie are driving up to PA. The boys and I will be hanging out tourist style for the next ten days before heading up.

We'll be updating as much as possible over the next few weeks....lots to share!